I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
