Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
