Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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