So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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