i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
