just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
