he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
