So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
