He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
