apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
