she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
