My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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