I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I die, sorry about rent.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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