The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
