Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
