you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
