Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
