I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
