yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
