i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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