I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
