guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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