Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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