I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
