can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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