pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
