That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
