PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just had sex on a roof
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
