I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
