i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
