I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He shit in the fireplace
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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