but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
