i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
