I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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