the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
