okay pat passed out under dana's car
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
