DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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