we're blogging at a bar
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
