Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
