She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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