you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
