I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
