she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
