a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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