Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
