You're like the curious george of whores
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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