Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
