woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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