its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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