Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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